break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
