thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
