I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
