its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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