shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
