i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
