Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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