i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
