so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
