haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
