They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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