it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
