You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
