i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
