i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
