There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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