I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize