hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
