Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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