your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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