Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize