We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
