some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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