with your own penis?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
