I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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