Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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