Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
