Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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