I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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