you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ugly people sure do ruin things
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
