The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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