Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize