i just had sex bonerless
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
