will power is for people who don't want to get laid
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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