I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
