I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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