The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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