I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
