I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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