I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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