Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
