you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
