Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
