I wish my penis had an off switch
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
