... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
