Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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