i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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