You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
