i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
