I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
NoShamevember. You game?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
