I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
