the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
