There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
