You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
