i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
