I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
