wanna go halves on a baby?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
