That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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