I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
