break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
