fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
