Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
