bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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