Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
