Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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