you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
