I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
