Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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