His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
