In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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