Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I looked at my own cervix.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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