Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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