My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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