whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
