Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
