I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wrigley field is MILF paradise
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
