and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
