So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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