it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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