Who wears a wallet chain?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
