No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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