just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
