I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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