You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
