Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
